That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
