Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
