Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
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