I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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