If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
