apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
