never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
