I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
