I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
