so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
