Banned from zoo.
Again?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
