Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
