sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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