I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's get the cat blown out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
