im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
