I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
