I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
