We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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