I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
