She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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