you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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