Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
