he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
