Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
