There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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