My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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