wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
