My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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