bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
