just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
