Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
