What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
