Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A bitchslap is in order.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
