i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
