i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
