You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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