I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
