Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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