I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
