I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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