Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
