i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
