the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
