are you so shy because you have an std?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
