oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
try to milk me bitch
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