I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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