i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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