My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
