i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
