first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
