You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
